Page 186 - Three Truths - Trillion Doubts - Volume -II

3. Difficulties in sadhna: I Need more imperience to improve orientation to serving others and to properly follow the commandments.
Please do not get into intellectual traps. Do your sadhana as prescribed and do not put conditions for the same. First get steady in sadhana and practice the commandments with sincerity and seriousness. Opportunities for service come automatically. If there is light in the lamp it automatically attracts the attention of others.
4. I beg you to help me in developing commitment to reach the goal, to be sincere in my efforts to become regular in my spiritual practices.
One can take the horse to the pond but can never make it drink. I have never failed in my duty to serve you. It is you who expect that I should do your work also which though I may be willing Nature does not permit.
5. Ego, as being judgemental towards others and sense of self seeking gratification is also starkly felt. I earnestly pray that I may never loose sight of Him. Amidst this, rememberance of Master brings heart to a humble and mellow state. Overall, in terms of feelings, I observed that weight of emotion and intellect seems to have reduced and more simplicity is felt.
Avoid this habit of judging others let that task be that of the Master only. If any blemish is observed in others I was told by the Master that I should try to remove that as a service to him. I know it is not easy; I have never found it easy; but that is the injunction of the Master.
6. Today there was a lapse on my part in reaching on time to conduct the Satsanghs. I reached 15 minutes late than the stipulated time. Fortunately other brother was available who after waiting for me till the stipulated time has conducted the Satsangh. I feel extremely apologetic for this lapse of mine and seek your kind forgiveness. I shall ensure that such mistakes are not repeated in future.
A lapse is a lapse and one's own conscience will not forgive if the lapse is with regard to divine duty willingly undertaken. You say you are apologetic and are not using the spiritual word 'repentance'.
7. Since I 'm back from India two things changed in my life: Now i am happy. Deep sadness and depressed desappeared. So everything is lighter