Page 94 - Three Truths - Trillion Doubts - Volume -II

4. Learned a little bit about non expectation from things in life as well as sadhana. Still trying to figure the right way to do anything without expectation. Trying to give this thought that whatever is due will only come to us. Also tried to keep this thought in mind that both positive and negative ideas, notions need to be thrown out. For the first time in my sadhana there was a feeling that even the bad that happens to us is for our own good and so we should accept it with happiness.
There is nothing like good or bad it is only our point of view that makes us state something as good and some other thing as bad. A sincere reading of the Commandments of the Master and the notes can help you understand things better.
5. Need help. Attitude of fighting back is still there, more at the mental level than at the physical level.
This is a problem of recognition; you see yourself as one who is capable of solving all problems and see yourself as healer of all. If you do your sadhana as advised and follow the Ten Commandments in letter and spirit over a period of time you may come out of this problem.
6. I feel peaceful and calm and gratitude to Rev. Master for blessing me in spite of the thoughts I get. I feel I should assiduously practice to ignore the thoughts during meditation. I got thoughts of contempt regarding some people's notions, behavior and attitude towards me. I know I have to practice a lot of Commandments 5, 6 and 7 and could only cry before Him.
If we do not get thoughts, that is a matter of worry for us. Thoughts will be there only their nature will change with maturity in meditation. Our thoughts which are most of the time self centred get transformed over a period time altruistic. But development is a process and not a sudden change.
7. I have been feeling disturbed off and on for the past few months. Mostly, feeling of anger directed towards no one in particular. In addition, there was the feeling that I seemed to be slipping away from the path with lessening of all feelings of love and devotion for Master. I was also finding Commandmants 5&7 almost impossible to follow. I realise that I was the actual cause of my disturbance and unhappiness. By allowing resentment to grow, I was creating more discord by polluting the atmosphere with