Page 730 - Bodhayanti Parasparam Vol 6

Bodhayanti Parasparam Vol 6
parks/gardens/rivers/ponds. But even when I go to those places mentioned above, the mind always used to think/attached to/worry about something that it got used to, and happiness even in those explicit and external attempts to be happy, was for very few moments or practically negligible. My network of thoughts used to persist and haunt me even during those moments and used to make me feel restless. The happiness was also felt when some incidents in life that happened in favor of me which appeared to be either under my control or otherwise and even when I eat something I like, or indulge in something that pleases my senses, but those are for a very small/negligible portions of time.
With the practice of this system my understanding has been becoming better. Now, I understand my problem above, was 1) the source from which the happiness was derived was temporary and hence the happiness was also temporary and the condition then was mostly being unhappy or being in a confused-happiness (neither happy nor unhappy with an underlying disgust) and occasionally attempting to be happy. So, if our happiness has to be permanent / continuous the source from which we derive the happiness should also be permanent. 2) Happiness being a state of mind, instead of regulating the mind, the attempt above was to change the external circumstances which did not have lasting positive influence as the problem existed with me (unbalanced mind) and not in the surroundings / circumstances. I think Happiness is impossible with an unbalanced mind even with a hypothetical/imaginary condition of best favoring circumstances. And the fact of life is circumstances are not under our control. So the first mandatory step to become happy is to have a regulated and balanced mind. Balance and Happiness are interlinked.
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