Page 167 - Three Truths - Trillion Doubts - Volume -II

2. Satsanghs: I have mixed experiences during the Satsanghs. Some times absorbed and in some times disturbed from thoughts.
Only when you are stagnant you will have the same scene. Since you always moving in this path you will perhaps never get the same experience. Further in satsangh as in other meditational practices we are to be in a waiting mode and accept what ever comes.
3. While I strive to keep the goal clear, restlessness as in feeling of a drowning man is not there. On some days after satsang, I get this feeling of restlessness. To that extent I must own the restlessness.
Only when you are drowned you will feel drowned; imaginary drowning is of no consequence. Learn to wait for development of the conditions within.
4. Varied between settled, many thoughts, some days struggled with if I am meditating right. On some occasions thoughts of gratitude. Trainer rightly corrected me the method is given, you are following it right, there is no reason to monitor or doubt if I am doing it right.
Obviously you are not ignoring the thoughts but are entertaining them. You should follow the method as given. In this system of sadhana there cannot be any struggle with the thoughts: suppose there is divine light in the heart and continue to be in a waiting mood ignoring all the thoughts and ideas that crop up. It is better you read the articles of Rev. Babuji Maharaj on meditation carefully and also the article on Control of mind.
5. Krishnashtami: Thought of His pervasiveness in the morning. (a) Morning satsang: Feeling of Chit lake being attended Restlessness on account of thoughts related to self. Calm after satsang. (b) Afternoon: Brief moments of nothingness. Later Sadhana felt as an endevour to participate in His work than as a reason for individual spiritual growth. (c) Evening satsang: Steady and still feeling.
Orientation to the Masters is a separate subject and one needs to go into the consciousness deeper and deeper. For your information Chit Lake or any other specific point is never attended to during Celebrations of Masters’ birthdays. We need to develop an attitude of waiting with reverence through out. It is not generally Nothingness that is felt during these auspicious days but ONE NESS of Divine expression with the accompanying grandeur, beauty and harmony.