Page 219 - Three Truths - Trillion Doubts - Volume -II

Tradition
1. As I came from a religious family, with all that notions and my religious attachment, I did struggle for about 8 to 9 months until when I actually started feeling the difference. And then it was easy for me to give myself completely into meditation. My thinking pattern changed to great extent, used to feel very calm throughout the day that’s what initially made me to accept, initially, even though my meditation used to be like a struggle, but throughout the day there was calmness, there was like light and happy feeling. That’s was actually got me out of religious practices , when I was religious, even though I used to get some relief, there was some kind of fear I guess.
It is good you realised the importance of the Adhyaatimika worship compared to the Adidaivika worship. Lessons learnt in a tough manner always remain with us. May you progress in this path faster.
Self-Pity
1. There are feelings of repentance for the wrongs that I have committed in past.
I have always said that the past is ashes and only fools think about them. Obviously you have not been reading what I write. It will be next to impossible to repeat to all the persons the same thing which was explained already. Self Pity is the greatest Ego.
2. Trying to mould myself to situations as they come rather than having any positive or negative feelings about them. Cannot do my morning meditation most of the days. Trying to do everything thinking that it is my puja. But after some days feel desperate to read something, hear something about the Master. I have realised this that after some considerable time with other people, feel a need to quieten down, just spend time reading or contemplating or just be silent. Cannot take a lot of mundane talk, feel