Page 83 - Three Truths - Trillion Doubts - Volume -II

sincerity has increased.
Sloth has many excuses and illness is one such.
26. By his Grace, I started to feel and understand the third line of the prayer. Revered Master is the only God and power, to bring us up to that stage. May his greatness be more and more impressed upon this being. Once during bedtime prayer, I felt veils between us were lifted, and I was exposed to and “facing” him direct. I did not know what to do at that point: should I speak (pray) or be silent, and all the time was afraid of losing him.
The beggar has no choice and can only extend his/her arms. Silence is the language of God and everything that needs to be done is always done in faith and love.
27. Usually, I fall [asleep or in samadhi] during the point A meditation and I am then unable to do something else than falling in my bed. It sounds unserious probably, but that is how things are -I am sorry this tells something about my spiritual status.
If good sleep is the same as Samadhi we need not resort and practice Rajayoga. Sloth and inertia are over ruling factors in the drama of life. One who knows how to control sloth and inertia alone is equipped to move on the path with swiftness.
28. Was not regular in Bedtime Prayer on many occasions
Bed time prayer is of paramount importance. It is the best way by which we can make the night time a part of meditation. You are now to enter Grhasta life and the challenges to perform the prayer before going to bed is going to be much greater. But take it from me boy, that is where our determination helps. Since you write that your prospective wife is spiritually inclined you may adopt the method of sitting together for prayer at bed time. I can only share what I did and do.
29. I have difficulty in bedtime prayer because by the time I sit for it, I am very sleepy and am unable to focus on feeling His Presence. I am trying to sit earlier to be able to pray when I am feeling more alert.
Yes. You may practice accordingly as we should be alert when we pray.