Page 215 - Three Truths - Trillion Doubts - Volume -II
P. 215

4. After receiving email from you Sir initially there was some resistance and feeling bad. Then there was acceptance and had feelings of repentance. Most of the times I was introspecting and contemplating of what you have said and the need for me being honest and truthful. I felt that I do not know ABC’s about meditation and it is my pretentious nature and lack of sincerity in the practice that has led to my downfall.
Your reactions are all ego based and you are expressing your feelings of hurt of ego and your attempts to patch up. Downfall is a concept that becomes meaningful only when there was initially some state from which we fall.
5. Attitudes: Though I feel happy most of the time, sometimes I feel very unhappy, irritated and angry at myself. I feel I am seeing things only from my point of view and not from the view it is supposed to be seen. I do not even know how to do that.
Your main problem is that you are the doer and can change the things according to your liking. Further you think what you like is always correct. You also suffer from an attitude of expectancy i.e. you expect to see results immediately. Attitudes and behaviour patterns do not change like instant coffee or tea. Learn to be patient with yourself and with others.
6. Rev Brother, Please pardon me for the lapses. I clearly feel these are enormous lapses. I am/will continuously improve.
In which case there is the doer still active.
More on Doership:
1. Doership ofcourse is tough to get rid off but then it needs no preparation. To think of doing when you are supposed to be meditating is an interesting game your mind plays. I do not think you are the only who works and practices PAM. As a matter of fact this system is for householders only. Doing things at the appropriate time is wisdom. Master has suggested a way out of the problem by asking us to do everything as a duty entrusted by Him. But our self is too big.
What to do? That is what we have. Try to remember Him who never forgets to remember you.
2. So long as the sadhana goes you need to be less of a doer and that is possible
 
























































































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